sisters are a fabulous thing to have... i love mine.

so today was terrible. so i am one to place blame but i gaurd myself here. not that anyone reads this.. .. iunno so i bombed my hebrew test today and cried. i dont cry over school but i did. i study for about 12 hours. some of them more quality than others. i did my groups pretest and worked really hard, i believe it could be perfect. right before the test i began to obsorb stress of the people aroudn me. i got stumped on the test and then just gave up. i finished as much as i could but relaly. no i didnt terrible. i dont want to fail but thats all i had to give. it sucks. so i want to go shopping. its rediculous how this intense desire kicks in just as soon as i am upset. but i am working till six and then again at 8. i geuss icould go tomarrow but i might just run over to hamilton place for an hour, i feel loved. iunno i wish i cared more about my relaiton ship with god i know i can have more of him and i want it but its discouraging to go this long with out intamacey with him. iunno i think i have a deep infection of the soul so deep i can barely see it but at times i recognize it... i see i am broken. but do i need to be fixed to be with God. right? so here i am longing everyhting but him and needing a friend.

2 years

so its been 2 years. as of oct29th. we are basically an old married couple.

wowzers. so i tried to get on here like a week ago to write. iunno one of those moods right? well i cant remember my dang password for the life of me. its one unlike all my others which all resemble each other in some way.... oops. so i have to have them email it to me. well then i cant remember which email i used. i end up getting my OLD old old AOL account to work. so i check sure enough i got an email. i click the link. and low and behold i had a blog my junior year of high school. ha! i found it on here. its crazy to read about my life then. my dad was cheating on my mom and never home. i randomly dated this guy 2 years younger then me. i was partying all the time and best of all there is an account of when i met my husband. it makes me so happy. iunno God has healed alot in this heart and i am def. a transformed person. i was miserable then and always looking for somethign better to come along, for some attention, for some love. and i couldnt find it anywhere. i knew i had some dark times but its just so wierd to read what i had to say about my life while i was in the moment of discontent..... maybe someday ill post somehting from there on here!?